top of page

Rise & Shine!

An awakening journey

It All Started

      In early 2011, while going through a difficult period of my life, to distract myself and take my mind off things, through the wonders of YouTube I found myself researching various controversial subjects. And slowly but surely, topic by topic, they led me into a deep, dark mystery regarding being alive on this planet at this time. Besides the scientific and spiritual aspects one can discover and contemplate, there’s also plenty of information that questions the many historical events of our past. Some of which are now being scrutinized as either ‘Truths or Lies,’ with the latter possibility being attributed to those wielding more power to confuse and control the masses than the rest of us could currently fathom?

      One night in the Fall I began listening to the audiobook ‘Bringers of the Dawn’ by Barbara Marciniak, whom I had never heard of until then, let alone the word Pleiadian. But while staring out the window at the starry night sky, not long into the reading, I became transfixed by the information I was receiving. Until suddenly, right then and there, without so much as a hint of uncertainty, did I realize I had a deeper connection to the cosmos. All at once I became overrun with emotions from a profound sense of just knowing this to be true. That was in November. By January 2012, I would end up experiencing what many people refer to as a ‘spiritual awakening.’ And with no religious background or any previous knowledge of metaphysics, an unseen world that I never knew any better to believe in, started making itself known to me. In the process, it would rattle my understanding of a reality I only thought I once knew.

      These invisible forces started doing things to get my attention. Call them paranormal or supernatural, but they came along with many bizarre coincidences that couldn’t possibly be explained away. All of which was enough to convince me there is much more than meets the eye going on in this world around us. It wouldn’t be long before I found my way to the metaphysical section of a used bookstore and soon realized I was experiencing something others go through at various points in their lives. So with the bizarre and inexplicable that continued to ‘intervene’ in my reality, a mystery started unfolding which forced me to reflect on a particular time I had tried to forget. Never understanding the impact it had on me, or the vital part it would play in my awakening 30 years later.

Facing the Past

      As a young teen, certain events transpired in a short amount of time that quickly sent me on a downward spiral. Then out of fear and rebellion, by the age of 15, I got myself kicked out of high school and eventually had to appear before a judge in court. He would declare me as someone in ‘Need of Supervision’ and assigned me a probation officer, and sent me to a small, two-room school for other expelled students from around the district. But once I stopped showing up, opting instead to run around experimenting with drugs and alcohol to lessen the pain of my world taking a negative turn, my ‘post’ court-hearing behavior saw me as an insubordinate. And eventually I was sent to a psychiatric hospital.

      Once admitted inside, I found myself on a ward where most of the patient population were adults, and the rest were teenage girls, five to be exact, who were either suicidal, battling an eating disorder, or had been cutting themselves with razors. Most of them were older than me, yet they seemed no-less pleased to have a ‘lone’ introspective boy around to entertain themselves with. We often played cards in the lounge where they would speak some form of gibberish in front of me, with laughter between them as to my cluelessness of their conversation. And while we customarily smoked out the place with cigarettes while playing Hearts, Spades, or Rummy 500, we would quietly share our observations about the adults who were in there with us.

      Many of the teens in the hospital were allowed to congregate in the same supervised recreation room in the evenings. And as the days and weeks passed, it’s how I would get to know a girl from a different ward who I grew quite fond of. Just like some of the girls on my ward, she too had tried to kill herself, and over time would eventually tell me why. Through a letter, she entrusted with me with her very personal secret. A family member had been sexually molesting her, traumatizing her to the point of despair. And yet, with those BIG eyes and bandaged wrist having already touched my heart and soul, her confession wouldn’t change my feelings at all, they only made me want to be her savior. But while I ultimately couldn’t, the impression she and so many others from that place left on me would be more profound than I could ever understand, as a 15-year-old.

      While there, it was impossible not to observe first-hand how people suffered inside their minds, especially the adults. Or how doctors used to treat those patients back then, including medicating them into another state of consciousness, or worse, having their brains tampered with via treatments by today’s standards, would seem unjust. Although I was originally scheduled to be there for only a three-week evaluation, it would be over four months before I officially became discharged. However, with that extended stay, it allowed me to further see the deeper depths of the human condition, and in hindsight, I believe the experience helped develop my intuitive and empathic nature around others. But no teenager is ever fully prepared for such an environment, let alone want to remember it fondly. So, while I tried to hurry up and forget about my time there, many of the things I saw and the people I met would stay buried in my subconscious.

Life, Love, and a Little Madness

      With that difficult period in my early teens, my understanding and acceptance of the world quickly became disillusioned, and I continued to ease the pain with alcohol and drugs. I guess you could say there were things I couldn’t openly admit or fully realize that still haunted me. Eventually, I would go to a boarding school for troubled youth, and by the time I got out, it’s fair to say I was more hardened, cynical, sarcastic, and found it difficult to take life seriously. Only after having lived a little too reckless aimless for a few years, with many ‘life lessons’ disguised as mistakes that I would make along the way, did an amazing woman would come into my reality. Clearly by some preordained Divine contract carrying provisos and perks in the afterlife, for 30 years, her gorgeous soul has been my best friend, and an example of selfless grace and kindness in a world I often found far-less tolerable. Therefore, I am forever indebted to her, for I assure you, this website would not be possible without her at my side. 

      After falling madly in love, and fast-forwarding through all the highs and lows that many long-term relationships endure (underscored by four out-of-state moves, living in 8 different rentals and having two kids together), we eventually married. But after yet another move of family, and some strange, stressful times that followed, would have my full-blown awakening. With supernatural occurrences, came the synchronicities that started connecting parts of my present to my past. Until early in 2013, when the movie ‘Girl Interrupted’ came to my attention. In-leu of everything else that had recently gone on in and around my life leading up to that point, I was now preparing myself to watch the story of a girl sent to a psychiatric hospital. It was something the universe had wanted me to see.

      During the film, I had flashbacks of my own time inside one. The patient rooms, the lounge, the nurse’s station with the medication window, along with mandatory mouth inspections for verification of pill ingestion for teenagers. All of it would come flooding back into my memory, along with many of the people I once knew. Even one of the major characters in the movie had the same name as the closest friend I had on my ward, Lisa. And during the climactic ending of the film, with the big reveal about one of the girl’s long-hidden secret, I soon became haunted by how much I could actually remember and feel, especially for the girl with the Big eyes, who once shared her similar traumatic secret with me.

      When it was over, it didn’t take long for my ever-expanding way of thinking to question the many coincidences which lead me to watch that movie. I couldn’t help but wonder: How long had this been going on? Had unseen forces intervened in my life throughout the years, in various places and situations for specific reasons? Were the many various occurrences that inevitably triggered my awakening all guided into happening? This led to what seemed the next most logical questions: How much of my life has been by design, on purpose, and pre-planned? And is my past somehow linked to my present for some objective not yet known to me? With this seemingly crazy-ass line of questioning, I would continue to dig a little deeper for answers. 

An Old Friend, and New Meaning

      With all that had happened, I soon became convinced I needed to find that girl with the ‘Big’ eyes, now a woman, who never entirely left my consciousness. Once I did, I would not only blow her mind, I also learned that she too was going through her own personal crisis, and me seeking her out would lead to a turning point in her awakening. With the synchronicities that we both have shared since our reconnecting, it’s made our decade’s old happenstance together as teens become a clue to a more significant aspect of our paths crossing when they did. Now we have an eternal bond as spiritual ‘comrades’ and beloved friends who realize the impact we can have on others that transcends both time and our current understanding of reality. How our lives are more intertwined and connected than we can currently fathom, at least in this current state of our human ‘beingness.’

      With all the recent revelations in regards to sexual harassment, trafficking, cults, and the ritual abuse of minors, it’s easy to see how misguided sexual energy can afflict individual souls to the point of coveting it for darker, more nefarious reasons. Yet after the #MeToo movement, and all the courageous ladies who spoke out at the trial for U.S. women’s gymnastics scandal, I saw how things were changing. Feminine energy is indeed rising on this planet, and everyone is being affected by it. And if others are learning to heal their past traumas and mindsets, then surely there are worse things to imagine than all the people of this world rediscovering their souls, in order to make it a better place for our children’s future.

Answering the Call

      Due in part to the experiences of my youth, my thoughts about this world and the people in it always seemed to run deep. After my awakening, I gained a new appreciation for what I now see as my life’s ‘Journey.’ How a sordid past I tried to forget, had in fact, allowed me to develop a more intuitive, empathic nature around others. Considering my awakening would, at one time seem inconceivable to me, I wanted to build a website I only wish I could found sooner. Covering the subjects that were starting to become more mainstream. In hopes of bringing more awareness towards a reality-check others may also have to face. So with the ongoing battle over the minds of the people on this planet, as we continue to openly discuss things, more awareness will grow. And in-between all the potential truth & lies that we all must contemplate, it’s hard to imagine anyone being immune to some significant ‘shift’ in consciousness.

      Without the expanding community of people on the internet who were talking about their awakenings, I probably wouldn’t have been able to share mine. So I am grateful to all who inspired me. However, I’m sure there are others out there, currently hurting and confused by their own newfound realizations and strange experiences. Those now facing aspects of themselves and our world that they either avoided or were previously unaware of. But once you can accept the fact that we’re all spiritual beings having a human experience, you see everyone as separate souls on different journeys and levels of understanding. And if we’re all connected through a field of consciousness in ways not yet fully comprehensible, then it’s not unreasonable to think that we all matter in helping to facilitate the change needed to ‘Right the Ship’ we live on, one soul at a time.

Final Thoughts

      If you are someone currently suffering from a personal crisis or past trauma of any kind, you are not broken! You’re a brave spiritual ‘being’ walking a difficult path during an integral period in our Earth’s history. So if you can see your human experience as serving a higher purpose beyond any personal hardship you’ve endured, your inner-strength and intuition can become a beacon of light to lead you through the darkness. We’re not just here to advance our souls through the trials and tribulations of life, but to assist in the rehabilitation of Mother Earth, whose own health hinges on the awareness and well-being of her inhabitants. But since the human psyche can be so complex and conflicted, it’s fair to say the revelatory experiences some may have to face during their individual shifts consciousness will also be. All the while, there are those who for thousands of years have tried to keep us divided, by withholding certain truths that are now finally coming to light.

      In looking back at how my awakening came to be, I knew I had to share parts of my story. However, I couldn’t possibly include the entirety of my experiences and still keep ‘Rise & Shine’ at a reasonable length. But the same synchronicities that eventually led me to search out my old friend from the hospital, have never wavered in nudging me along throughout the years. So I guess you could say I felt called to ‘Pay it Forward’ with certain information and people who helped me, along with those I continue to discover. So stay tuned for future additions and updates to the Resource section. And please share Withinsideout with someone you know who may resonate with its contents.

With gratitude, hope & prayers,


To top of page

bottom of page